Exhausted, peaceful, satisfied, grateful- a climax after 3 months of focused preparations for my mini-concert last night. Funny, I contemplated canceling just one week ago but after a deep conversation with Jon before my Monday lesson, I realized that I had freedom and options and a new strategy to help prepare me for my performance.
Honestly, I was not satisfied with my performance. Even with strategies of deep breathing, slow practice, good vibes from a carefully selected group of listeners, I still couldn’t quiet my left hand and it took everything I had to move up and down the fret board. But I didn’t stop, I played through my 5 prepared pieces. I stayed with it and enjoyed everything else- the good food I ordered from Fairway catering, the new Vodka that was chilling in the freezer, the friends I invited to enjoy the meal, sitting around the dining room table when I could put my guitar back in its place next to my new chair for the future.
Playing my guitar, continuing my lessons with Jon throughout my first year of mourning, into the second, developing more technical skill and finding more energy, I fell in love with the experience of creating music-with the sound I can make with my beautiful piece of crafted wood and strings- amazing!
No, I was not satisfied with my performance last night and no, I won’t take beta blockers to calm down. No, I promise I will grab a friend when I have a piece ready to share. Just a few minutes more regularly and I will keep moving on… happy and yes…one performance moves me to the next…
And Yes, Tuvia, you were missed, of course you were missed. I played Schindler’s List at the end of my mini just for you, sharing the story of our adventure…searching Jerusalem in a windy, rainy January, up and down slippery stairs… I needed to get there and you were with me… always. As we sat down to dinner Bonnie C. spoke about you, feeling certain that you were watching and smiling with pride. No matter where I would go you would be right with me, pushing me forward.
I can’t wait to continue into the next phase with my guitar… I’m smiling…
Thanks for Jon and Hedy, Bonnie and Julia, and Hilda for their friendship and rich applause.
Pictures to follow…