Letters to TuviaY2:Peaceful… Really!(6-20-17) #sol17

 

 

Morning T and Slicers,

Happy Father’s Day to my 96 year-old dad, Herbie, the core of our growing family!!!! On Sunday we took pictures of the full group and the pieces.  It was hot, humid but the dog was off on a walk with Margaret and the photographer was skilled enough to respect all requests as she satisfied everyone.  Obviously, no new pictures of us, but then I am living well with what I documented of our 20 years together.

It was a very good weekend kicked off with another Friday evening home, with friends for dinner and music.  Just one week after my mini-concert with a very shaky left hand, miraculously one week later, no shakes… I shared the pieces I loved in control… even after a drink, for an encore, I offered up the last two at my best.  First time I played publicly with pleasure!  I know, somewhere you’re smiling.  I know it.

Saturday, with a car filled with food for delivery, I was off to Ellenville riding a wave.  Nope, didn’t bring my guitar along.  Small steps.

I arrived in the calm before the storm.  I filled my dad’s freezer with meals from Harolds of Paramus, I delivered an enormous roast to Jeff and Marla and took a breath before the families with kids arrived to wreck havoc and joy to waiting grandparents.  And soon the Amanda and family arrived and then Josh and his family followed and we were in race mode and it was good.

It was all good… great… Finally I was at peace, accepting me without you in this life.  When I showed up at Jane’s to celebrate her 75th birthday with Agita and Lynn, yes, I was exhausted.  I was happy to be with my group of special women as we walked together across the Hudson, lunched at the Culinary Institute and headed back to Jane’s before the big rains overtook us and I was back in my car headed home with enough energy to enjoy the ride.

Home again, on my couch… I took a breath and realized I was feeling a calm and peace, that feels new.  Maybe I’m officially back to myself after almost two years of adjusting to this life of me not we.  It would be so good to keep this going…

 

 

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Miss you always,

Bonnie S.

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12 thoughts

  1. I love the pictures you shared along with your journey. “Me not we” has to be a difficult transition. I’m glad your were able to enjoy the weekend.

  2. I love seeing the family and am sure your dad loved it, too, Bonnie. That kid pic is priceless! Glad to hear that you’re doing well, making life good for you!

  3. Glad you had a wonderful weekend with family and friends. Happy that all those baby steps have paid off and you are moving forward with all of those wonderful memories of the past forever locked in your heart.

  4. I saw the FB picture of us at All Write four years ago, loved revisiting those memories. What a great Kaplan clan! Slowly life evolves and a new normal appears. It was good to read peace is making its way back to you.

  5. I love this line: “It was all good… great… Finally I was at peace, accepting me without you in this life.” In your writing lately, there is a sense of confidence and purpose emerging (or truthfully, emerged) that is stunning. Your family is beautiful.

    • Amazing to me too. I think my guitar preparation and performance has informed my peace of mind and an acceptance that what I had with Tuvia might be enough to see me through the rest of my life.

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