Dear T,

It’s almost the end of your day and I can’t end it without making some sense of where I am now  in this process of celebrating without you.

Even though life around me seems to be in total chaos: hurricanes, earthquakes, shooters, and our first low- life president- the Donald, I lit a candle for you and kept an eye on it as I spent most of the day working on Mihael’s Bar Mitzvah movie to be shared when I’m back in Israel next week for his big day on October 14th.  I had major frustrations with my software that refused to cooperate until I figured out the issue.  It was more time consuming than you would have been able to tolerate but Dana was here and she took over the cooking- a pot roast in your honor with Jane and Michael for another October 3 as guests celebrating with me, watching old movies I created for you.

We talked about me without you and how I’ve come to this new singleness with a new sense of self without you here but ever present.  Does that make sense?

I took time to wish Ami and Adi a happy anniversary. I’m so happy that we will always celebrate October 3, even if most October 3’s were spent, with respect to you, just the two of us.  I never understood, but I respected your wishes to keep your birthday under wraps.

Tuvia, I’m good and I will always miss you. Does that make sense?

No, the video isn’t done even with the hours I’ve spent, it’s still not done, but I’m close- a  labor of love.

Love, love and more love,

Bonnie S.