It was thrilling to finish my letter yesterday. Words in a post.. a quick edit, pressing publish, likes appearing on Facebook and lingering with the text throughout the day, considering what I would write about today, What stones would I turn over, examine and re-examine. Writing stirs up so much thinking. And then as the day moved on a comment appeared from my good friend Kevin:
Good list and good words, and kind hearts. I was happy to see your blog come through in my RSS.
And I was back…
Last night, I hosted Jane and Michael for dinner. We sat in our usual seats around the table filled new healthy dishes (I would have included a well done baguette from Fairway for you), deep, meaningful conversation… and your empty seat across from Michael which became an inevitable focus of the conversation. Thank G-d it’s not painful anymore to bring you in, but your absence is still beyond our comprehension. The way I’ve come to accept it, is to transform the greatest loss of my life into the greatest gratitude I can feel for our 20 years together.
So, as The Shape of Water ends I hear…
and I see you …
I don’t think Jane or Michael can make the adjustment, but I have no choice. I am trying to live with you, without you ,.
We missed you last night,