Dear T and Slicers,
I’m getting ready for a first: facilitating teacher workshops on grieving and trauma. I think I’m ready, after 2 1/2 years of my own grieving and healing.
I was so cocky and so wrong. I thought I could handle life without you. I had no idea it was so difficult, so emotionally demanding, so fraught with despair. I became someone I never knew before. I looked in the mirror when I couldn’t avoid seeing me and wondered who that depressed person was and would she always be the new me. I had to learn patience, to be patient with the pain and emptiness I felt without you.
The first year passed slowly, then another 6 months… and then it was two years,:August 21, 2017…
I stopped writing to you every day. I started smiling more and I felt a lightness. I was already in motion.. moving from a painful grieving to gratitude for “us”.
Sandie, my therapist, loved my letters and always encouraged me to do something with them. The logical outlet was planning grief workshops as a way to support others in my shoes and teachers with grieving students- sharing the power of writing through loss to catharsis. All my letters are there on my blog for the world to read, for me to return to now that I can embrace the life we lived, no longer tortured that we are in the past. I can celebrate our glorious past.
So on Friday I begin this new project. Two 3 hour workshops at a school mourning the recent loss of a young high school teacher who died in a car accident just after winter break. Writing out their own loss, sharing, creating a community of writers… considering how they might return to their classrooms with strategies to share with their students, creating their own communities of grieving. I am feeling ready for this challenge. It’s time to pay it forward. It’s my way of saying thank you to you for our life together and to my community of supporters who kept me moving to this healthy place in a life that continues.
Tuvia, I hope you are smiling. I promise to only share flattering pictures.